Reid Pelosi

I would like the people of this United States of Eden™ to believe me when I say and read that I had no detailed data on which torture techniques were being used. While I did allow torture to take place, because I was unwilling to speak out about morals, I allowed certain methods of torture to happen thinking that they then wouldn’t commit other types of torture like nailing the ball sack or labia to the bottom of a chair. It’s these acts that were were lied to about by the C.I.A..

While I was aware of waterboarding, I was not aware of the sodomy and rape of children. These details of torture we long ago deleted.

The C.I.A. is trained to lie. The C.I.A. lies for a living. And it is because of this fundamental truth that it is true when I say the C.I.A. is lying.

The people have spoken, so now it is time for us, the people of this United States Congress, to do the people’s bidding. And the bidding of the people is to treat those who got us into the current financial mess to work for free to get us out. It is only fair that if you are the cause of the problem that you then need to fix that problem. Mind you, we the people of the Congress may have helped allow the business of United States destroy the worth of our currency, but that is besides the point. It is now time to listen to our President, President Obama, and support his policies. For we the people need his leadership during our time of great concern. Do please people trust us, the Clinton Kennedy Party, to choose the right path for everyone.

I would like to tell the United States of Eden people that we of the Democratic party have found our back bone. We now have a spine to stand up against the Republicans.

I want all to know that we are taking a stand to show those on the other side of the isle that the Democratic Party is looking out for the United States of Eden people now and into the future.

Don’t worry. We know they’re up to something. We’re asking them to help. We are just waiting for them to say no then we will go see what we can get with them. But will have a mean face. Maybe a scowel. That will scare them maybe. We’ll see what happens and take the next step in making sure we get a little of what we need and a lot of what they want.